Banner by the lovely apieceofcake
Title: Distractions For Guilt
Pairing: Sam/Dean, mention of Andy
Warnings: Incest, Swearing
Spoilers: 2.05 Simon Said
Word Count: 2,146
Disclaimer: Don't own - just playing in somebody else's sandbox.
Summary: It's been three weeks since Dean murdered the tattoo artist and his guilt is only getting worse. Samuel can't take much more of his consort's moping.
A/N: This is the fifth installment of my Darkness Undefined 'verse, the earlier installments can be found here
. I'm using this table
</lj> to write this verse.
Comments and contructive criticism are loved.
Samuel leaned up against his office door and pushed his fingertips into his temples, trying to massage the headache away.
“Son of a bitch.” He groaned low as he let his arms drop to his sides and stared sightlessly at the blank wall across from him. All he wanted was a day, maybe two, of quiet, he wasn’t naive, knew he’d never have peace, but just a few hours of calm was all he craved. Even God got to rest on the seventh day.
Instead, he had the constant low level hum of Dean’s self loathing for killing that tattoo artist three weeks before threading through him, causing a continuous headache added to the constant stress of simply being who, what, he was. It was enough to almost make him want to drive his fist through the wall, pull the still beating heart from as many of Dean’s ex-comrades that he could lay his hands on, pull the mind whammy on his brother and make him forget all about what they had done to the tattoo artist, almost. Anything to ease the strain making his skin feel too tight, making him want to lash out at everything, at everyone, at Dean.
He supposed he could confront Dean about his private pity party, that his brother had to know wasn’t so private, and force him to go through the file on the tattoo artist again. Force him to accept that part of himself that he was pushing aside, the part of him that knew he had been protecting children and that the perceived blood on his hands hadn’t tainted him, made him less that what he was.
Of course there was the other side of him and it was laughing manically, more than ecstatic at Dean’s pain. Enjoying the power, the smug satisfaction that it had found in chink in his consort’s armour.
At first he had allowed that side to control his response believing that as soon as Dean had meticulously gone through the file that his guilt would be assuaged. But as the days had worn on and his guilt had stubbornly remained, it had started to affect his other side, the side of him that loved Dean, that needed him, that wanted nothing but to see his brother happy.
It was that side of him that had desperately searched for a solution that didn’t involve actively rehashing the issue, but with the way the world was now there were very few distractions to be had any longer. He could get Dean stinking drunk but that never solved anything and the results would, of course, be the exact opposite then what he wanted. He could have dug up a couple girls for his consort to play with but the surge of jealousy had been so bad that he was down another two to his legion at just the thought. Dean never played pool or poker for the sheer enjoyment of it. TV was no more and although Samuel could find a vast array of movies for him to watch, it would end up being a reminder of just how things had changed.
What he wanted was something that Dean had found joy in back before things had changed, something that was carried across and couldn’t be tainted by the way things were now.
Which led him to his current plan of action, or more to the point his revised plan of action because life couldn’t be put on hold. But it could still work and he would be killing two birds with one stone.
Everything was set, Andy and the demons Samuel had chosen for this particular task had been sent ahead. He had all the information he needed for where they were going. His and Dean’s duffels were packed and tucked away in the trunk. All he needed now was his moping consort.
Samuel pushed off from the door and silently made his way down the hall towards the living room.
As he had expected, he found his brother stretched out on the couch, idly thumbing his way through a hardcover book, obviously trying to ignore the tumbling thoughts in his own mind.
“Hey.” He stilled by Dean’s feet and grabbed one sock covered foot, giving it a gentle shake. “Come on we’ve got places to go.”
Dean peered up at him and he had to swallow down the smile at the sudden interest washing out some of the guilt from his brother’s eyes.
He watched him pull himself into a sitting position. “Road trip?”
He nodded, “Yeah. Let’s fuck off for a while. Just you, me, the Impala and the road, like it used to be.”
Dean shot to his feet, “The Impala? How? When?”
He pushed past him and practically ran out of the room.
Samuel chuckled at his brother’s shout and managed to make it to the hallway just in time to watch him slide on his boots and sprint from the house.
“Score one for the…” he paused and shook his head. “Well me.”
He leaned against the front door frame and didn’t bother to hide his grin as Dean slowed to a stop and ran his hand lovingly over the roof of the Impala.
“Hey sweetheart.” Dean purred, just loud enough that his voice carried on the slight breeze. “You miss me?”
“Should I leave you two alone for a while?” He called out.
Dean turned and shot a glare over his shoulder before slowly moving around to the driver’s side and pulling the door open. After a thorough inspection of the interior, his head popped over the roof and he pinned him with stare.
He shook his head, “Did you really think I wouldn’t guess you’d stash her at Bobby’s?”
He rubbed the back of his neck and shifted from foot to foot, “Yeah but I…uh…I parked her…”
“In the centre of a devil’s trap. Yes I know. Doesn’t stop me or any of the other kids.”
Dean’s eyes widened in indignation as it finally seemed to occur to him that someone other than himself or Samuel had driven his baby. His head ducked out of sight again and Samuel could just make out his shadow shifting around in the car.
“Who drove her Sammy?” He demanded after another thorough inspection and he was once again standing beside the open driver’s door.
He narrowed his eyes in thought, “Andy?”
“You remember, Andy from Guthrie, Oklahoma, he had a twin brother…”
His face cleared, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. The kid had the boogie van and mind whammy me into giving him the Impala.” He patted the roof, “I’m still sorry about that sweetheart.”
Samuel rolled his eyes, “Focus Dean.”
He glanced back up, “Huh? Oh right. The other one, uh…Webber, did the mind whammy on his mom and the family doc and they killed themselves before Andy actually killed him.”
Samuel nodded, “Well I sent Andy and a couple others out to Bobby’s and had them bring her back.”
He watched Dean pull his bottom lip between his teeth and worry it. “Sammy?” He finally asked slowly.
“Bobby wasn’t there Dean.” He assured him, his own conflicted feelings twisting in his gut. Bobby had been like a surrogate father to them, especially after their own father had traded his soul so that Dean could live but he was one of the enemy now and would most assuredly try to kill either of them if he ever got the chance. But he was Bobby and the thought of having to kill the older hunter actually hurt. “South Dakota belongs to me. He wouldn’t be stupid enough to stay when he knows I know where he lives.”
Dean heaved a sigh and nodded slowly. “Yeah.” He muttered softly.
He could see his brother’s guilt start to smother him again like a dark cloud and ground his teeth, this wasn’t what he had wanted. He hadn’t been lying, South Dakota was well within the legion’s hold and Bobby wouldn’t risk getting caught by remaining. But it wasn’t that that was actually bothering his brother, it was the fact that he had thought about Bobby and was most likely picturing the older man’s despair that both the Winchester boys had switched teams, effectively betraying him.
He cleared his throat and swallowed down the urge to yell at his brother to get over it. Anger wasn’t going to accomplish anything other than maybe a good old fistfight. Which although a good diversion, wouldn’t really be fair considering he had no problem whatsoever cheating by using his powers.
“So road trip?” He ensured that his voice stayed light.
He could clearly see the internal battle waging within is brother between his desire to drive his baby, which Samuel knew he hadn’t done since the gate had been opened and he had effectively gone to ground, and his innate suspicion that there was something more going on then a simple “road trip”.
Dean rested his forearms on the roof of the Impala and threaded his fingers together. “Who exactly is going on this road trip?”
Samuel wondered if he was asking because he figured out that there was something else going on or if he simply figured that they couldn’t go anywhere without others watching their backs. He snorted silently, the only person that came close to having his trust was right in front of him, “You and I.”
He raised an eyebrow, “Just us?”
He wondered if Dean was purposely being slow, “Yes.”
His consort narrowed his eyes and chewed on the inside of his cheek in contemplation.
“What? Can’t we just go for awhile?”
“It’s not that.” He hedged, “Sammy you’re a target, you know that. Do you think it’s a good idea for you and I just to take off on our own?”
Samuel could see what the admission was costing his brother, the man, who at four had taken on the responsibility of an adult by accepting that he had to protect his baby brother and until Samuel had disappeared, had continue on in the same vein.
“We’re both targets brother mine.” He allowed, “Does that mean that we hide out here for the rest of our lives?” He waved his hand behind him, indicating the house and the grounds. “Or do we do what we’ve always done? Watch each other’s backs and do as we want.”
Dean glanced away, up the driveway towards the open road beyond the perimeter gates and Samuel had to stop the smile he could feel wanting to break free. He was going to give in, his brother had never been happy spending weeks at a time in one place, the temptation of driving, of just going somewhere else, even if only for a short time, would eventually outweigh everything else. It always did.
“I want to be armed.” He said slowly as he turned back to stare hard at him.
He shrugged his shoulders, “What’s left in the trunk?”
He chuckled darkly, “Like I left anything.”
“The gun that was taken off you back in Conroe is in the glove box.” Samuel hadn’t really thought that Dean would leave anything behind to be either scavenged or confiscated by his legion if he happened to find the Impala.
Truth of the matter was, he had always believed that if Dean ditched the Impala, which became pretty evident when he had started hunting his brother, he would leave it in one of the many sheds Bobby had on his land. Therefore he wasn’t surprised to find, once they had taken South Dakota, that that was exactly what he had done. He had ordered two of his lesser demons to stay concealed on the property and keep an eye out for his brother, just in case.
He wasn’t going to admit that to Dean though, knowing that his brother probably assumed that would be his move, no sense in admitting that his brother could still second-guess him correctly.
He raised an eyebrow, “Your own gun not good enough for you?”
Dean shrugged, “Sometimes more is better.”
“There’s a couple more guns and a few knives in the backseat in the extra duffle.” He allowed, anticipating this very thing. “And yes Dean I took care of them personally.”
He nodded once, “Alright then.” He slid into the driver’s seat.
Samuel grinned, a part of him satisfied that his consort was willing to have enough trust in him to accept that he had taken care of everything and now that he had decided they were doing this was impatiently tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Once he managed to push aside the guilt that everything was not as it appeared, his other half was surprisingly happy just to actually be gone, with Dean, in the Impala the way it used to be.