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Shadow Lane: A Winchester Obsession
Fic: Bridging the Distance - Original/Alternate Ending 
28th-Oct-2009 02:05 pm
Sam from Lazuras Rising
Title: Bridging the Distance - Original/Alternate Ending
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG
Warnings: Deathfic!!!
Word Count: 702
Disclaimer: Jared and Jensen own themselves, I'm not even sure if I own my cats or if they own me.
Summary: Jared just wants Jensen to stay.

A/N: Why yes Virgina I apparently do write deathfic.  I guess I just have to be in that foul of a mood and look what happens.  This is the original/alternate ending of the fic I entered for the final spn Olypics event at spnwriterlounge.  This part is unbeta'd.

 

“No!”

Jared’s eyes snapped open and he dragged in harsh breaths while staring up at the ceiling, grey in the ambient moonlight shinning in through the window. The dream had shaken him, his body still buzzing with the after-effects of fear and adrenaline and his hands curled into fists while waiting for the feelings to fade. Only then would it be safe to rollover and curl himself around Jensen without worrying that the tension in his body would wake him.

The dream scared and confused him, not understanding what it was supposed to mean, if it was his subconscious airing it’s fears but he didn’t dare move and risk waking Jensen then have to explain. He didn’t want to tell him that somewhere deep down that he was scared that Jensen would finally have enough of him and leave.

Effortlessly the final remnants of sleep slipped from his mind and brutally everything snapped back into place.

Even after four months and three days it was like finding out for the first time all over again and his body curled into a tight ball as a sob escaped.

It was supposed to be quick, just some last minute Christmas shopping, Jared left at home to finish packing their bags for their early morning flight to Texas.
Jensen had promised he wouldn’t be long, just one store and then back. Jared had kissed him goodbye and sent him off with a warning to mind the slick streets, not really worried.

The witnesses said that Jensen hadn’t reacted, probably hadn’t even seen the delivery van speeding to get through the yellow light that turned red long before it slid uncontrollably into the intersection. And the police officer who showed up at their door, four worried filled hours later, swore that he hadn’t suffered, that because of the extent of the injuries that Jensen had sustained that he had undoubtedly died instantly.

It was of little condolence.

Jared rolled off the couch and stumbled across the living room to stare out at the dark backyard, mindlessly twisting the platinum band on the ring finger of his left hand.

Everyone thought it was time for Jared to start to move on, to pick up the pieces of his life and keep going. It seemed that even Jensen wanted him to let go, or it was Jared’s own subconscious using his lover’s image against him but he didn’t believe he could.

How could he when he couldn’t even sleep in their room? When every time he even walked into that room, he broke down and ended up pressed into Jensen’s side of the closet, surrounded by his clothes that had long ago shed the last of his scent. When he couldn’t face packing up and getting rid of Jensen’s things? Was always just this close to falling apart and barely hanging on. He couldn’t even take care of his dogs and the week after the funeral, had sent them to live with his parents for the unforeseeable future. 

And yet everyone else still believed that he had the strength to move on.

“I can’t.” He whispered softly, his hands clenching into useless fists at his sides. 

Jensen had been killed on his way home from picking up the custom made wedding band that Jared now wore. It was his fault that Jensen was dead and he couldn’t let that go, he wouldn’t.

Maybe, in a few months he’d be able to make it through a day without breaking down. Maybe someday he’d remember how to smile and laugh and feel good. But he wouldn’t try to force it, wouldn’t pretend for his family, for his friends or even himself.

And even if that day did come, there was one thing that would never change, he would never let go, never say goodbye.

“I’m sorry Jen, but I won’t say it.” He shut his eyes against the burn of tears, wishing he was actually saying it to Jensen instead of the image he held in his mind. “I can’t.”

Jared knew it was only his imagination, that the words were in his head, but he could have sworn that the grief roughened voice whispered beside his ear.

“I know.” 

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Comments 
28th-Oct-2009 09:14 pm (UTC)
I was about ready to cry from the first one, and now this has just completely laid waste to my emotions. Beautiful and poignant and so damn sad, and that last line is amazing!! Great job.
28th-Oct-2009 09:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks.

*shrug* I like the other ending better but I'm a big baby so that's probably a given. *g*
(Deleted comment)
28th-Oct-2009 11:29 pm (UTC)
Thanks.

*hands tissue* Sorry.
28th-Oct-2009 09:44 pm (UTC)
Oh wow... *tear*
28th-Oct-2009 11:29 pm (UTC)
Thanks and sorry for making you cry.
29th-Oct-2009 01:34 am (UTC)
That is so sad. Jared is of course blaming himself & Jensen can't really leave him like that, it's so sad
3rd-Nov-2009 05:33 am (UTC)
*ponders* You know, I think you're the only one that realized that I was kind of hinting that Jensen was a ghost. Or that's what I read into your comment anyway.

I said it was a deathfic, I never said I was actually breaking them up. Apparently, my foul mood wasn't dark enough to do that.
3rd-Nov-2009 11:52 pm (UTC)
Yes I knew he was a ghost & I'm surprised that others didn't pick up on it. You did say it was a deathfic & it was Jensen that was involved in the car accident & you even say that he was killed & that Jared would need a lot of time before he could stop breaking down...

Even if he is still around as a ghost, I think you have still broken them up because they can no longer be together as they once were
9th-Nov-2009 08:43 pm (UTC)
Oh sure! Go get technical on me, why don't you. Lol.

That's it! I'm gonna spend a couple hours pondering the validity of sex with a ghost and it's all your fault! *bg*
10th-Nov-2009 04:59 am (UTC)
That's what you love about me !

Just a couple of hours is not too bad. If you share your findings with us in a story I would be happy to "take" the blame.
6th-Jan-2010 11:44 pm (UTC)
Lol! *sigh* There was a thought, it was baaadddd and then it morphed into this ending up Chris/Jared because Jensen sent Chris to take care of Jared but it's thin at best so I think I'll leave it for now. There are other happier/pornier (is that even a word? Well it is now!) fics needing to be written.
15th-Jan-2010 01:20 am (UTC)
As long as it's only for now. Chris & Jared , that would be interesting with Jensen looking on...
29th-Oct-2009 02:06 am (UTC)
Wow, that was sad, I actually had tears in my eyes.
3rd-Nov-2009 05:25 am (UTC)
Sorry.

I'm a bad, bad person.
29th-Oct-2009 02:13 am (UTC)
This was even more beautiful than the non-death version.
3rd-Nov-2009 05:24 am (UTC)
Thanks.

Glad you enjoyed it.
29th-Oct-2009 02:31 am (UTC)
this ending was heartbreaking. *sniff* poor jared. my heart aches for him.
3rd-Nov-2009 05:23 am (UTC)
I was mean to him, I know.

Note to self: Rhy, when you are in a bad mood, stay away from MS Word! Bad Rhy, Bad!

Still thanks for reading and commenting.
29th-Oct-2009 02:47 am (UTC)
I loved both endings. And that surprised me, because usually I don't like deathfic. I almost didn't read this version, but I'm glad that I did. :) Both were wonderful.
3rd-Nov-2009 05:21 am (UTC)
Thanks.

Honestly, I usually don't read deathfics either so I get where you are coming from. Still, thank you for taking the chance on it and reading it even if it isn't your normal cup of tea.
(Deleted comment)
3rd-Nov-2009 05:17 am (UTC)
Honest I wasn't trying to break anyone, just my mood, I swear!

Thanks.

And thank you for reading (even this part) and commenting.

Rhy
3rd-Nov-2009 04:03 am (UTC)
I have to say I loved the first ending better, because I don't like death fics. However, after reading this one, which I found beautifully written, and although I cried like a baby, I liked this ending also. Thanks for sharing
3rd-Nov-2009 04:53 am (UTC)
Thanks and between you and me, I like the other ending better too.

Honestly, I think I've only read 2 or 3 deathfics myself and until now, I've never wrote one so I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm actually still kind of surprised I wrote it and then posted it.

And thank you for reading and commenting.
3rd-Nov-2009 09:18 pm (UTC)
Oh!! That is so sad *sniff* - is it wrong of me to want more :)

xx
9th-Nov-2009 08:53 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't even know where to begin. It might have something to do with thinking that Jared would continue to pine for Jensen and be all sad and mopey until he dies. And that's just more sad! *g*

I'm glad you liked it.
24th-Jul-2011 08:42 am (UTC)
OMFG. That was amazing, but god I'm crying. Jared's pain was SO flipping real I literally ached. I loved it, but jesus.
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