Title: Bridging the Distance - Original/Alternate Ending
Word Count: 702
Disclaimer: Jared and Jensen own themselves, I'm not even sure if I own my cats or if they own me.
Summary: Jared just wants Jensen to stay.
A/N: Why yes Virgina I apparently do write deathfic. I guess I just have to be in that foul of a mood and look what happens. This is the original/alternate ending of the fic I entered for the final spn Olypics event at spnwriterlounge
. This part is unbeta'd.
Jared’s eyes snapped open and he dragged in harsh breaths while staring up at the ceiling, grey in the ambient moonlight shinning in through the window. The dream had shaken him, his body still buzzing with the after-effects of fear and adrenaline and his hands curled into fists while waiting for the feelings to fade. Only then would it be safe to rollover and curl himself around Jensen without worrying that the tension in his body would wake him.
The dream scared and confused him, not understanding what it was supposed to mean, if it was his subconscious airing it’s fears but he didn’t dare move and risk waking Jensen then have to explain. He didn’t want to tell him that somewhere deep down that he was scared that Jensen would finally have enough of him and leave.
Effortlessly the final remnants of sleep slipped from his mind and brutally everything snapped back into place.
Even after four months and three days it was like finding out for the first time all over again and his body curled into a tight ball as a sob escaped.
It was supposed to be quick, just some last minute Christmas shopping, Jared left at home to finish packing their bags for their early morning flight to Texas.
Jensen had promised he wouldn’t be long, just one store and then back. Jared had kissed him goodbye and sent him off with a warning to mind the slick streets, not really worried.
The witnesses said that Jensen hadn’t reacted, probably hadn’t even seen the delivery van speeding to get through the yellow light that turned red long before it slid uncontrollably into the intersection. And the police officer who showed up at their door, four worried filled hours later, swore that he hadn’t suffered, that because of the extent of the injuries that Jensen had sustained that he had undoubtedly died instantly.
It was of little condolence.
Jared rolled off the couch and stumbled across the living room to stare out at the dark backyard, mindlessly twisting the platinum band on the ring finger of his left hand.
Everyone thought it was time for Jared to start to move on, to pick up the pieces of his life and keep going. It seemed that even Jensen wanted him to let go, or it was Jared’s own subconscious using his lover’s image against him but he didn’t believe he could.
How could he when he couldn’t even sleep in their room? When every time he even walked into that room, he broke down and ended up pressed into Jensen’s side of the closet, surrounded by his clothes that had long ago shed the last of his scent. When he couldn’t face packing up and getting rid of Jensen’s things? Was always just this close to falling apart and barely hanging on. He couldn’t even take care of his dogs and the week after the funeral, had sent them to live with his parents for the unforeseeable future.
And yet everyone else still believed that he had the strength to move on.
“I can’t.” He whispered softly, his hands clenching into useless fists at his sides.
Jensen had been killed on his way home from picking up the custom made wedding band that Jared now wore. It was his fault that Jensen was dead and he couldn’t let that go, he wouldn’t.
Maybe, in a few months he’d be able to make it through a day without breaking down. Maybe someday he’d remember how to smile and laugh and feel good. But he wouldn’t try to force it, wouldn’t pretend for his family, for his friends or even himself.
And even if that day did come, there was one thing that would never change, he would never let go, never say goodbye.
“I’m sorry Jen, but I won’t say it.” He shut his eyes against the burn of tears, wishing he was actually saying it to Jensen instead of the image he held in his mind. “I can’t.”
Jared knew it was only his imagination, that the words were in his head, but he could have sworn that the grief roughened voice whispered beside his ear.