Title: I Don't Know, It's Kinda Crazy These Days pt.4
For complete list of Characters, Warnings, Spoilers, Disclaimer, Summary and Author's Notes please see Master Post.
Jared dropped down on the hotel bed and curled up onto his side.
It had been three days since he had found out that his sister had died and he was pretty sure he was ready to throw in the towel and join her, at least for a little while.
There was so many things that went into a funeral, he was pretty sure the amount of work was equal if not a little more than a wedding: choosing a graveyard, burial or cremation, flowers, deciding if the family would go in a limo or drive themselves, picking a casket.
His mind stuttered to a halt.
That had been the hardest for so many reasons. For starters they had had to pick out a coffin for his baby sister. Then his twisted mind had to remember a joke that one of the crew had made during the first season about the warranty now sold with caskets. Like anyone really cared about a twenty-five year guarantee that the coffin wouldn’t leak. What did the manufacturer expect that the family was going to dig it back up in twenty-four years to see if it had leaked?
He had almost lost it at that point, too much coffee, not enough food or sleep but luckily Jensen had been there and had taken his hand and given it a good squeeze. Obviously he had been thinking the same thing and both of them instinctively knew that bringing that up in front of his parents would not have gone over well.
He groaned softly, and the family still had to decide if there was to be a gathering after the funeral at his parent’s house or if they were renting a hall.
Honestly, funerals or weddings were damn near the same thing as far as he was concerned. Only real difference was the tone and even that was negotiable depending on if all his crazy relatives showed up.
I’m going to hell for that thought.
Jared rolled over onto his back, stared up, hard, at the ceiling and blinked back a fresh set of tears. Christ but he was tired of only feeling either anger or grief. Just for a brief moment he wanted to feel something else, anything else.
He glanced across the room as Jensen let himself in, two cups of coffee precariously balanced in one hand. Without a conscious thought, he was up and in his ex’s space.
“Here.” He said softly as he took the take out cups out of his hand and placed them on the little table by the door.
Jensen lost his breath as Jared slammed him up against the wall. He pressed his lips against Jensen’s, “I wanna feel.”
Jensen was stiff in his arms but as he spoke softly he slowly loosed in his hold. “Jay I don’t think…”
He pulled back and met his wide gaze, “Please Jensen.”
Something dark and unrecognizable flashed through his eyes before he seemed to come to a decision. He reached up, grabbed Jared by the hips and started backing him towards the bed. “This doesn’t mean…”
Jared shook his head, “I don’t care right now.”
He started pulling at Jensen’s shirt, tugging the buttons apart, quickly and efficiently, hoping to keep him from thinking too deeply.
He let go of him as his knees hit the back of the bed and pulled his own t-shirt over his head. “Come on Jen.” He breathed against his lips, “I want to feel you in me.”
Jensen jerked against him before pulling off his own shirt. “Jay.”
“Come on.” He urged as he stripped his pants and boxers off. “Come on.”
Jensen was still looking at him leerily and he felt panic begin to rise. He needed to feel something other than grief and anger and he needed Jensen to do that.
He grabbed his biceps, spun them around and pushed him to the bed. “You’re taking too long.” He grumbled as he attacked the button of his jeans, making sure to brush against his half hard cock.
Jensen groaned low in his throat, “Jesus, you’re a pushy fucker.”
He chuckled and stripped him of pants and boxers. Slowly he crawled up his body, taking his time to drop light kisses up his torso as he went. “I just know what I want.”
He pressed down against Jensen and hissed at the sensation, he’d missed that, the first touch of skin against skin, the soft groan Jensen would make.
“God” He groaned softly before leaning in and forcing his tongue between Jensen’s pliant lips.
Mindlessly he started to grind down into him, panting into his mouth as his blood began to heat.
Jensen grabbed his ass and thrust up into him as he tore his mouth away. “It feels so good Jay.”
Jared dragged his lips across his cheek, tasting the beginning sheen of sweat before he bit his ear. “Come on Jen, more, please.”
He chuckled darkly as he slid a finger down the shallow crack of Jared’s ass. “Mmmm.”
He thrust up into the gentle pressure of the finger pressing against him, wiggling his ass, trying to get it to slide in.
Suddenly Jensen grabbed him by the hips, “Wait.”
“No.” He groaned and tried to thrust down into him again.
“No lube Jared.”
Jared clenched his teeth against the scream of frustration bubbling in his throat. He pulled his head up and met Jensen’s lust blown eyes. “Don’t care. Use spit. Just fuck me.”
His eyebrows furrowed, “I’m not going to hurt you Jay.”
He shook his head, “You won’t.”
Jensen shut his eyes and sunk his teeth into his lower lip. He groaned as Jared undulated against him. His eyes fluttered open, “Just…”
Surprisingly the world tilted and Jared found himself staring up at Jensen smirking down at him.
“I have an idea.” He kissed him quickly before jumping off the bed.
“Jen” He knew he was whining but he couldn’t care less. He just wanted to feel something good, he just wanted to feel good and damn it for that he needed Jensen.
“Trust me.” Jensen tossed over his shoulder before he froze and turned back.
They stared at each other with wide eyes, the opportunity to start a conversation that was too far overdo there but the timing was so very, very off.
Jared swallowed hard, “Just hurry up, I’m getting cold.”
He spread his legs wide and slowly started to stroke himself.
“I think it’s kind of hot in here myself.” Jensen muttered as he watched his hand move up and down his cock.
“Jensen don’t make me finish this myself.” He arched up into his hand, a part of it only for show to get Jensen’s mind back on the sex and off of the tense moment from before.
He blinked, spun and disappeared into the bathroom.
“I got it.”
Jared barely heard him, too lost in memories of Jensen inside him, of being fucked by him to really pay attention.
“You don’t get to come until I am buried in you.” He growled while he grabbed his wrist and tugged his hand away.
“Then hurry the fuck up.” He moaned as Jensen settled between his legs.
He blinked at the white, slightly shimmering liquid that Jensen was carefully pouring on his fingers. “Is that conditioner?”
He leaned over him and brushed his lips against his. “Are you really going to complain?”
Jared groaned as Jensen slid a finger into him, “N…no.”
He smirked, “Yeah that’s what I thought.”
He bit his lip and let Jensen set the pace, ignoring his body screaming “Now! More! Now, now, now” and forced himself to just enjoy the feeling of Jensen touching him again. The feeling of the slight burn as he carefully stretched him open with one finger then two and finally three and the brush of his lips against his, the taste of his mouth.
“I missed this.” Jensen whispered so low he could almost believe he’d imagined it but he risked everything ending but answering, “Me too.”
He pulled back so that he could see him clearly, “Jay…”
His body tried to stiffen, worried that he said too much with only those two little words but he forced it to remain pliant. “I’m ready.” He shifted his hips up into Jensen’s hand. “Jesus now”
The same confusing look darkened Jensen’s eyes momentarily before they cleared at Jared’s keen. “Okay.”
He pulled his fingers free and slicked a generous amount of the conditioner over himself. “This might hurt.” He warned, his gaze heated but apologetic as he lined himself up.
Jensen smirked as he slowly started to push past the loosened ring of muscle. “You might.”
It did burn more than it normally would but Jared wasn’t sure if that was because they were using conditioner or because it had been awhile. But he didn’t care because it still felt good.
He arched his back, tilted his hips towards Jensen and drew his legs up around the small of his back.
“Come on Jen.”
Jensen growled as he bottomed out, “Shit. Tight.”
He really hoped Jensen wasn’t looking for some kind of a response because it would kill the mood. How could he be anything but tight since even he hadn’t touched himself like this since they had split up?
“Okay?” He panted in his ear.
“Yes.” He twitched his hips, “Better if you move.”
He chuckled in his ear, causing a shiver to snake down his spine. Slowly he pulled out until only the head of his cock was caught by the ring of muscle before he thrust back in.
Jared arched his head back, exposing his throat and grabbed his upper arms. “Fuck again!”
He felt the slight pull of skin against skin as he moved to comply and then pleasure sizzled through him as Jensen hit his prostate.
“Oh God” He keened low, “Harder.”
Jensen mouthed along his neck as his hips snapped forward harder and faster.
That was what Jared wanted, the mindless heat of pleasure. The goal was to get off wiping everything else, all the hurt and all of the anger, from his mind. And Jensen was making sure he was getting exactly what he wanted.
Too soon he could feel the tension building along his spine, pooling in his stomach as his balls began to draw tightly to his body. Mindlessly he took his hand off of Jensen’s bicep and worked it between their bodies.
“Jen I have to...”
“Yeah come on.” He breathed against his lips, “Come on Jay let me feel you come.”
His eyes rolled back eyes as he wrapped his sweaty hand around himself and worked to match Jensen’s rhythm.
“That’s it.” Jensen groaned, “Make yourself come while I fuck you. Come on Jay.”
It was too soon but he was too far gone to stop. Between Jensen growling at him, the feel of him filling Jared, easing the ache that had been his constant companion for months and his own hand sliding up and down his cock he didn’t stand a chance.
His body tightened for a split second before he jerked and spilled hot over his hand and against his and Jensen’s stomachs.
“Jay.” Jensen keened before he bit down on his shoulder and Jared could feel wet heat fill him.
“Yeah” He cooed softly and pulled Jensen’s heaving body against his.
Jensen slid out from behind Jared, sat up and grabbed his jeans up from the floor. Quickly he pulled his ringing cell from the pocket and flipped it open, the whole while staring at Jared, hoping the noise wouldn’t wake him.
He was pretty sure this was the first time Jared had managed any kind of restful sleep since they had left Vancouver and he really didn’t want it disturbed because some yahoo was calling him.
“Hello?” He answered softly and silently made his way to the bathroom.
“Jensen where are you?”
He quietly shut the bathroom door behind him and leaned against the vanity. “Justin?”
He was more than a little surprised to be hearing from him again after what had happened the last time.
It had been nice to have someone to hang around with on the few days off he got or when shooting ended early, again. He hadn’t really let himself think about how he had missed it. The year before there had been Jared and Mike and occasionally Tom to spend down time with but with the start of the shooting season, Mike was no longer in Vancouver, Tom was spending more time at home with Jamie and then there was the whole mess with Jared so he had just accepted spending most of his time alone in his hotel room. But Justin had changed that and other than the occasional innuendo, it had been fun. At least until he had gone over to Justin’s that last time under the pretence of watching a movie and having a couple of beers and Justin had kissed him.
Admittedly it had been a good kiss, he would never deny that Justin could kiss but it wasn’t what Jensen had wanted. No matter what he liked to tell himself, he wasn’t over Jared and Justin wasn’t Jared. If he couldn’t have Jared kissing him then he didn’t want anyone.
After pushing him away and making his excuses, he’d left, believing that that would be it. He would never have guessed that Justin would call him. But then again the boy was nothing if not persistent.
Justin choked out a laugh, “Texas? What the hell for?”
“Jared’s sister was killed in a car wreck earlier this week.”
“Oh shit.” He mumbled. “Man I’m sorry.”
Jensen shook his head, “Don’t worry about it.”
He stared down at his toes as he wiggled them against the pale cream bathmat on the floor in front of the vanity. He felt guilty, guilty for hiding in the bathroom talking to Justin while Jared slept unaware in the other room. Guilty because he felt like he was sneaking around when all he was doing was making sure that he wouldn’t wake Jared up.
He was so screwed.
“So I was thinking,” Justin continued breaking into his thoughts, “Since you don’t have time to look for a place that you could move in here.”
His body jerked in surprise, “Justin I told you I’m not really interested…”
“Yeah I know.” He cut in, “I just meant as roommates. I’ve got the spare bedroom in my apartment and it’s not like we don’t get along.”
Jensen chewed on his thumbnail as he considered the offer. On the one hand, it would get him out of the hotel. But on the other, he would be living with Justin, who, granted he did have a pretty good time with but he also knew that his ex wanted more than to just be roommates. Then there was Jared to consider.
He shook his head at that last thought, what the hell? He didn’t need to worry about what Jared thought, he and Jared weren’t together anymore so his opinion didn’t matter. And yet he knew it did, even if he didn’t like the idea, the truth of it was there.
“Look, don’t answer yet.” He pushed through, “I mean this is a pretty shitty time all around for you. Just think about it and give me your answer when you get back.”
He heard the doorbell in the background “Gotta go. Call me when you’re back in town Jen.”
He blinked and pulled the cell away from his ear to stare down at it at the click. Justin wanted him to move in with him and he damn well knew it wasn’t just as roommates. He could admit, at least in the privacy of his own head, that he was still in love with Jared and he was pretty sure Jared was still in love with him. He had had sex with Jared and he was pretty sure that was going to lead to something ugly in the near future.
Damn it. He really was screwed.
Jared glanced across the living room to make sure that Jensen wasn’t sending any “save me from your crazy relatives” looks and was pleased to see that he seemed to be holding his own with Jared’s great aunt Marta.
He watched them for a minute and couldn’t help but smile and shake his head when Marta leaned forward and grabbed Jensen’s ass, for a ninety something woman she could be quick when the mood took her. Nonplussed Jensen reached around and took her hand in his, brought it to his lips and kissed it.
There was no way he could make out what was being said but the old woman blushed like a school girl and batted her free hand at him. Jared noticed she didn’t take back the hand that he had a hold of though.
“He fits in well.” Jeff appeared at his elbow. “Hell he can even keep great aunt Marta in line.”
Jared grinned at his brother, “For someone who is really shy, he certainly can work the charm.”
Jeff nodded before his eyes took on a devilish glint that never boded well for Jared. “So have you figured out how to get him back yet?”
He felt his light mood evaporate, “Jeff.”
“What?” He leaned into his shoulder, “I know you two are having sex again.”
“What? How could you know?” He spluttered before glancing around the room and making sure no one else heard his brother.
“That.” He shook his head, “You’re too easy J.T.”
“Jeff, I really don’t want to talk about this right now or, you know, ever.”
His brother slung an arm around his shoulders, “Look Jared as your older brother it’s my job to ride your ass. You know in that platonic, non-incest, kind of way.”
“Jeff.” He groaned.
“But it’s also my job to point out the obvious when you are too blind to see it.” He nodded towards Jensen, “He’s been keeping an eye on you all afternoon. Plus there’s the fact that he came here with you. And that he’s been here for you the whole time.”
After the initial shock had worn off, Jared had begun to wonder about that. Why exactly was it that Jensen had decided to come with him, to help him through this? He had finally decided it was the dregs of their lost friendship that drove him to it. Not that Jared was going to complain about it, he already knew that once they went back to Vancouver he would walk away again but he would take what he could get, including damn good sex so that at least for a little while he could forget his anger, his grief. Maybe it made him a selfish bastard but since Jensen had already proven how little he actually cared for him by walking away and moving on so easily he figured it was a fair trade.
He just wasn’t stupid enough to tell Jeff that.
Jeff was watching him carefully, “Look J.T. you believe what you want but I’m telling you what I can see even though as far as I’m concerned you probably don’t deserve a second chance.”
He rolled his eyes; he already knew how his brother felt. Probably the exact minute that Jeff had gotten off the phone with their mother he had called him up and spent a good hour yelling at him. Yes he knew he didn’t deserve a second chance and knew better than to hope for one but…
It didn’t matter, things would go back to the status quo once they were back in Canada. He would just take what comfort he could get for now and pretend that just for a minute things were right.