Title: So It Begins
Word Count: 1,155
Disclaimer: Jensen and Jared own themselves, I'm not even sure I own my 2 cats or my 2 dogs or if they own me.
Summary: The idea of finally moving past just being friends sounded so good the night before but in the cold light of day Jensen's not so sure he can let Jared risk it all for him.
A/N: Written for spn_30snapshots
for my mininano table - Meant to Be - Hiding in Plain Sight
. Prompt #3 (Risk)
There had been a time, not so long ago when Jensen pretty much hated himself. Hated himself for the fact that he had fallen for his best friend when said best friend was engaged to someone else. Had both loathed and could barely wait for the next precious moment he would get to spend with Jared and it didn’t matter if it was while they were working, or spending time at a bar with friends and co-workers or just hanging around one of their places playing video games or watching movies or T.V.
But then things had changed. The levee broke but the funny thing was, it wasn’t Jensen who had broken it but Jared. Jared had confessed that his feelings had changed, that he had split up from Sandy because he was in love with Jensen.
And as guilty as Jensen should have been because he was the reason why Sandy’s dreams had been destroyed, he couldn’t feel it. He had Jared, he was getting the one person he had convinced himself he could never have and he was ecstatic.
Or he had been.
But that had been the night before when the flush of getting what he wanted was riding his skin. When Jared’s lips pressed against his made his skin tingle and his thinking go hazy. But in the cruel light of morning, even with Jared sleeping soundly pressed against his back, he couldn’t help but worry that they had made a huge mistake.
It had nothing to do with finding out that the fantasy was better than the reality. Jensen still loved Jared, still wanted him so much that he ached but was it worth the risk?
His own answer was simple, yes, yes and yes.
But that was him. It had taken awhile but, other than a few guest appearances, maybe, Jensen was pretty sure his time in front of the camera would be pretty much done when Supernatural was. He wasn’t going to leave Hollywood but he wanted to take on a different role. He had found that his true passion was directing and he was when you were behind the scenes, nobody cared if you were gay.
But that wasn’t Jared. Jared was meant to act, to be the star and Jensen believed that he would make it. That Jared could be just as big as any of the big names ruling the Hollywood elite at the moment. But if it got out that he was in a relationship with another man that would ruin that for him.
And Jensen couldn’t let that happen. He had to be the voice of reason, he had to make Jared understand that the risk was just too great and no matter how badly it would shred Jensen, he had to convince Jared to beg Sandy to take him back.
“You’re thinking too loud.”
Jensen jerked and a shiver ran down his spine as Jared’s words were breathed against the skin on the back of his neck. He grit his teeth and ignored the interested twitch of his dick.
“Jay, I think…”
Jared’s arms tightened around his waist and he tugged him back so that there was no space between them. “Whatever thought has you freaking out, just answer me this. Do you still love me?”
He squeezed his eyes shut, what kind of question was that? Of course Jensen loved him, he hadn’t said it simply to get Jared into bed with him. He wouldn’t do something so low. When he said he loved someone he damn well meant it.
“You know I do.”
“Then stop worrying. I love you and you love me. The rest will work itself out.”
If only things could be as simple as that. “Jared this is a big risk for you. If it gets out that you’re gay, it’ll ruin your career.”
“Yours too.” He mumbled, lips brushing against his skin on ever word now.
“I’m not worried about me. You know I want to go into directing so it doesn’t matter if I’m found out but you…”
Jared sighed and shifted away. But before Jensen could really register the hurt, Jared gently tugged on his shoulder until he rolled onto his back and could do nothing but stare up at him.
“Jensen, I’m happy. I’m finally really happy and I know where I’m supposed to be. Here with you. I don’t care if that means that I’m risking my acting career. So what? Like it’s the only thing I could possibly do with my life.”
Reaching down the bed, Jensen tangled their fingers together, “But it’s what you want to do.”
Jared shrugged before shaking his head. “What I want to do is be with you. Everything else will work itself out.”
He whished he could be that optimistic, “Jay everything else will not just work itself out.”
“Sure it will, if we let it.”
Jared’s eyes were clear and bright and full of sincerity. He completely believed in every word he was saying. Completely believed in them and Jensen wanted to fall into that belief, wanted to drown himself in it but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to Jared.
Forcing the words out felt like chewing on glass, “We’ll have to hide what we mean to each other.”
“Yeah, because we haven’t been all touchy feely before now.”
Jensen couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “That’s not exactly what I meant.”
Damn Jared, it shouldn’t be that easy for him to have all the answers. And damn Jensen for believing him and weakening.
“I know what you meant.” Jared leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, “And I get it I do. But I’m not losing you now that I’ve got you.” He pulled his head back up and narrowed his eyes, “And don’t think I’m just going to stand by and let you run because you think you’re doing it for me. I love you and I’m not letting you go.”
The words should have felt confining; he should have been feeling trapped but instead Jensen felt warmed by them. While Jared had been doing his soul searching, it was obvious that he had already had this conversation with himself. Jensen should have known, Jared only seemed to react instantly without thinking things through first but it wasn’t the truth.
Something must have shown on his face because Jared suddenly smiled, big and bright and beautiful. “You done being an idiot now?”
It was still a risk but Jensen couldn’t be the only one responsible for Jared’s well being. If he wanted to take the risk that this relationship between them could black ball him in Hollywood, Jensen had to let that be his choice. Besides, noble intentions aside, he really didn’t want to let Jared go.
“Yeah,” matching Jared’s smile with one of his own, he tightened his fingers around Jared’s. “Yeah, I believe I am.”