Banner by smut_slut
Title: Doctor Patient Confidentiality Ch.11
Please see Master Post for fic details.
Jensen shut his eyes and let himself lean into Jared’s firm chest pressed up against his back. For just a moment, he let himself imagine life being like this every day, with Jared warm and cuddly and right there but he couldn’t let it go on for too long. Having been up for hours he finally admitted to himself that regardless of how it might end, he wanted to try with Jared, wanted to give them a chance but things needed to be done first. Namely they needed to separate for a while so that Jared had the distance and time it would take for him to make sure that this, this thing between them was really what he wanted. And Jensen was going to make sure he got that.
“Hey.” He mumbled and pulled a second mug from the cupboard, “Coffee?”
“Mmm.” Jared purred and brushed his lips against the back of Jensen’s neck, “Please.”
It was going to be hell going through with this when he had just finally admitted that he wanted it as bad, if not worse, than Jared did but it needed to be done. Better to force them apart temporarily now and risk losing Jared forever than to have Jared hate him later because he hadn’t.
Pulling out of Jared’s embrace, he walked over to the coffee maker and poured a cup of coffee before lifting it in offering. “Cream’s in the fridge, sugar’s here beside the pot.”
As their finger’s brushed, Jensen shivered, a sense memory of those fingers pressing in to him making his cock twitch. Ignoring it, he moved away from the counter and settled in at the kitchen table with his own mug. “I’ve been thinking…”
“Don’t.” Jared hissed, turning to lean against the counter, mug clutched in both hands in front of him like a shield. “We went through this last night Jensen. Stop running.”
“I’m not.” He kept his gaze locked with Jared’s, “But I want you to go stay with Chad or another friend and finish school.”
“I never said I wasn’t finishing school Jensen.” He tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes, “Why can’t I stay here?”
Rubbing a hand over his face, Jensen sighed, “I still think that you don’t realize what you’re getting into.”
“Jensen.” He growled and Jensen’s body tightened.
“Just here me out.” He raised a hand to placate, “Stay with Chad and do the things seventeen year olds do who aren’t going to get into shit for being themselves.” The words tasted like acid in his mouth, it felt like he was telling Jared to experiment with his sexuality now that he wasn’t under his parent’s thumbs and he hated it. But that was kind of the point wasn’t it? He wanted Jared to get out there, not hide who he was and to see that there would be guys lining up to date him and if, if, he really cared about Jensen then they wouldn’t interest him and in two months they could be together. “Once you graduate from high school, if you still want to be with me, I will be here.”
“You want to wait for two months.” Jared said slowly, his face a mixture of surprise and dismay before he shook his head. He took a long drink from his mug before carefully setting it on the counter beside him, “If I agree to this and things turn out the way we both know they will, with me right here beside you, are you going to quit this self destructive shit you’ve got going on? I mean I get that you’ve been fucked up pretty bad but I’m not him and you’ve got to start believing that Jensen.”
“I know you’re not Christian.” He felt like an ass and maybe it was because he was doing this just as much for himself as he was doing it for Jared, maybe more. But he had to be sure, Jared was so young and Jensen wouldn’t be able to take it if it was only infatuation on Jared’s part.
Pushing away from the counter, Jared stepped up to him, settled his palm on the table beside Jensen’s mug and leaned down so that they were eye to eye. “I’ll do as you ask if you do as I ask. No more self-destructive shit in two months Jensen. No more pushing me away because you’re scared. Agreed?”
Swallowing hard, Jensen managed to nod once, “Yeah.”
Jared pressed his lips against Jensen’s in a short and chaste kiss, “Fine.” Pulling back, he stretched to his full height, “I’ve got school to get to.”
Turning, Jared stepped to the door but paused just before he disappeared through it, he turning to look over his shoulder at Jensen. “I know what’s going to happen in two months Jensen but if this is what it takes for you to believe in me, in us, I’ll do it. Just understand that I’m doing it for you.”
Clenching his hands into fists in his lap, Jensen bit his bottom lip to stop him from calling Jared back. Jared sounded so sure but just because he was sure now didn’t mean he would be so sure tomorrow and that was what Jensen wanted him to find out about on his own. If he came back then Jensen would kill himself to trust that things would work out for them. If he didn’t, well at least Jensen had his memories of last night and maybe a tiny part of his heart would survive.
Ignoring the stares of students milling around him and slowly dragging their feet into the school, Jared turned around just in time to drop his duffle and backpack to catch Sandy in his arms as she leapt towards him.
“Hey girl.” He pressed into her temple as she curled her arms around his neck, practically cutting off his air supply but he let it go because it was the least he deserved. It had never occurred to him to call either her or Chad and try to explain or even just let them know he was okay, too busy trying to fuck and fight Jensen out of his system.
He couldn’t help the grin that split his face, if nothing else good came from the way his life had turned upside down in the last twenty-four hours at least he knew that that grand scheme of his hadn’t worked.
“God damnit!” She pulled back and beat her fists against his chest, “Couldn’t pick up your cell? Where in the hell have you been? Chad and I have been worried sick.”
“Ow!” He hissed, not so much because she was really hurting him but because every other strike seemed to land on his bruised ribs. Letting her drop, he grabbed her flailing fists and pressed them against his chest. “Sorry, sorry Sandy! Jesus!”
“Well she’s been worried sick. I always knew you were fine.” Chad drawled coming to stand beside them and tapped at his temple. “Would’ve known if my boy was in trouble.”
Sandy let out a very unlady-like snort as she twisted her head to shot at glare at him. “Yeah, that’s why you’ve been dragging my ass out every night so we could troll the streets for the last three days because you knew Jared was fine.”
Guilt sliced through him as he watched color stain Chad’s cheeks and tried to catch his eyes but Chad was looking down at his ratty sneakers and toeing at a loose piece of concrete. Jesus, they had really done that? In Chad’s piece of shit car? He really, really didn’t deserve friends like this.
“I really am sorry guys, just had to work some shit out.”
“What shit?” Sandy demanded and pulled until he let go of her hands. “What could possibly be so bad that you up and disappeared for three days Jared? Huh? Cops came to my house Jared. Cops. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?”
“Sands,” he stepped forward slowly, giving her enough time to back away and was relieved when she let him wrap her up in his arms. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry enough to tell us what’s going on and why you have a duffle bag?”
Looking up over Sandy’s head, he felt something sharp and painful slice through his chest at the blatant reminder that his parents had given up on him. Still he never planned on spending his life with his parents and because of what had happened he did finally have Jensen. It wasn’t much but it did help to sooth the pain some.
Eyes wandering around the still busy quad, he shifted back and picked his bags back up. “Think your parents will let me live with you for a while?”
“Jesus Christ.” Chad spat, “The rents booted you?”
Shrugging awkwardly, Jared started back towards the student parking lot and Chad’s sore thumb of a car. “Let’s get breakfast and we’ll talk, kay?”
“Damn right we’ll talk and then I’m making a phone call to CSS.”
Love for the little tiger curled tight around his chest, if he wasn’t gay, Sandy would have definitely been the girl for him. “Naw, don’t need to do that. It’s all good.”
“How can this be all good?” She demanded as she stomped around him, actually shoving a freshman out of her way as she made a beeline for Chad’s car. “Come on!”
Flicking his eyes to Chad, he shrugged, “Guess we better go huh?”
Chad nodded, his eyes finally seeming to spot the black eye and split lip, “Yeah, probably but I gotta tell you Jay, if she doesn’t like the story, I think the beat down it looks like you’ve already had ain’t gonna be nothing like what you’re gonna get.”
Hand suddenly tight on Jared’s arm, he forced them to stop and turned narrowed eyes on him, flirting with Sandy’s wrath as they could hear her huffing in frustration from four cars away. “You’re dad?”
Jared had to give credit where credit was due, Chad might be a little guy and was kind of lean on muscle but Jared didn’t doubt that he would be heading to beat on Jared’s dad if he even had the slightest suspicion that his dad had done this to him. He really, really didn’t deserve his friends.
“No.” He assured him.
A muscle in Chad’s jaw ticked, “Then who?”
Rubbing at the back of his neck, he shrugged, “Don’t really remember.”
“What are you old women?”
Jared looked up at Sandy, arms tightly crossed over her chest and the way her body was vibrating he could tell she was tapping a foot none too softly, and shrugged off Chad’s hand as he started forward again.
Looking at him from the corner of his eye, he smirked, “Part of the story man.”
“Motherfucking morning and dumbass no serving liquor till ten am law.” Chad huffed, “I’m gonna be wishing for a beer aren’t I?”
Jensen pulled his glasses off and pressed his fingertips against his closed lids, trying to work the gritty feeling out of his eyes. He wasn’t regretting not getting any sleep the night before; in fact he was feeling kind of happy because the exhaustion was well worth it for a change.
For the first time in years, there wasn’t a part of him that felt empty after a night of sex and the feeling was pretty phenomenal. Of course there was that cynical side of him that snorted at the feeling, making him feel like a fool because one good night of sex, even if it was with someone he was pretty sure he was falling in love with, did not equate to happily ever-after. After all, if he was certain that things were going to work out in the end for him and Jared then why had he pushed him away, again?
Because he had to make sure that Jared really was in this for the long haul. Because Jared was so young and as much as he seemed to understand, he was still only seventeen and Jensen knew there was someone out there for him that would be better for him then Jensen would ever be. Because even if he didn’t find that special someone in the next two months, there was no reason why he wouldn’t find enough someones to get the clarity he needed to understand that real relationships didn’t have to be hard from the get go.
Because Jensen was a coward and didn’t think he could survive trying to build a life with him and then have it all fall apart in six months or a year when Jared finally figured out that being with Jensen was just too hard and relationships should be easier.
The image of Jared squatting before him from earlier that morning flickered past his eyes. He had seemed so sure and he already knew the ugly truth of Jensen’s past and still wanted to be with him. Maybe Jared was the one that Misha claimed was out there for Jensen, the one that wouldn’t care about his fucked up past but would help him live again.
Biting at his bottom lip, he let that tiny bit of hope curl warm in his chest and was pleasantly surprised to find that it didn’t bother him so much that it was there. At the end of two months maybe he would be regretting nurturing it but Jared had seemed so sure.
Eyes flickering open, his gaze caught on the file laying open on his desk, Jared’s file.
He had dragged it out of his file cabinet with some vague plan of calling up Jared’s parents and giving them hell for kicking their son out. Maybe he couldn’t “fix” Jared the way they wanted him to but that didn’t mean that Jared hadn’t gotten something out of their sessions. Jensen was pretty sure he had convinced the young man that his parents were more confused and scared for him then looking for the easy fix and what had they gone and done? Kicked him out when the going got really bad.
Though taking a step back, even though he would like to think he would never go to the same extremes with his own kids, if he ever had any, he could understand their anger. They had to have been worried sick when Jared went missing for two days, out of their heads with fear that something had happened to their son. Jensen was no fool, this was Texas and he had been at the receiving end of some pretty bad threats over the years. But still, they had reacted just so fucking badly. You don’t spend days worrying about one of your children and then kick them out once you knew they were alive, you just didn’t.
Hand settling on the receiver, his fingers tapped against the hard plastic as he played with the idea of at least telling them that Jared was okay and that he was staying with his friend Chad. They would want to know that at least, wouldn’t they? Of course, then he would have to explain to them why he knew how Jared was fairing when they weren’t supposed to be meeting anymore and that was a whole other kettle of fish he just wasn’t prepared to open. Not so much for him, well that wasn’t strictly true, he loved what he did and didn’t want to lose his license or be accused of taking advantage of a patient but he didn’t harbor any doubts that somehow that would only make things hard for Jared and his parents.
Plus as he had pulled into the school parking lot that morning, to drop Jared off, Jared had made him promise not to call his parents. Had been adamant about it actually. Pointing out that his parents had his cell number and if they wanted to know if he was okay, then they could damn well call him.
It wasn’t necessarily completely the correct way to look at things but he had to let Jared decide what to do about this. If he took that decision away from Jared then he would be doing exactly what Christian would have done. Well maybe not if Jensen had been kicked out, he probably would have been ecstatic to have Jensen under his thumb earlier than what he did, but he would have taken the decision from Jensen and that was what Jensen didn’t want to do to Jared. He could disagree, offer advice but he couldn’t take the reins and make Jared do what he thought was for the best. Jared had to make that decision for himself.
Still shouldn’t he call someone, even if it wasn’t Jared’s parents? True, Jared was almost seventeen which meant he was legally old enough to be out of his parent’s home and he had somewhere to go that wasn’t a shelter but what if him staying with his friend put too much strain on his friend’s parents? Maybe he should call CSS and let them know what was going on if for no other reason than to hope that they would help monetarily so that Jared staying with his friend wouldn’t put a strain on their friendship.
He couldn’t live with that considering that Jared had wanted to live with him and his own cowardice had pushed him away. Then there was the fact that if anyone needed his friends it was Jared. Jensen didn’t know what he would have done if it hadn’t been for Tom and Misha and all he had had to deal with was a long term mind fuck that eventually he got smart enough to limp away from. He didn’t have to deal with his parents basically turning their backs on him.
Pulling his hand back from the phone, he huffed out a breath and picked up his glasses. Jared had said that his friend’s parents were cool with both their own son and Jared being gay so Jensen had to assume that they were also smart. If they needed help financially, then they would go to CSS or Jared’s parents themselves. It wasn’t his job to watch out for Jared, even if it kind of was because he, shit, loved him. But he had to let Jared take the lead on this and prove to both of them that he was in control of his life.
Jensen only hoped that the next two months full of worry wouldn’t kill him.
Maybe it was because, as much as he told Chad and Sandy he was fine, he really hadn’t found any kind of reconciliation between the belief that his parents had loved him while he was growing up and the fact that that didn’t seem to even factor in when they had kicked him out that it took almost a week for him to start questioning Jensen’s motives.
Not that he hadn’t been thinking about Jensen daily, hell it was part of what kept him going when thoughts of never seeing his parents or his brother or his bratty little sister got to be too much but he hadn’t dwelt farther on the Jensen issue other than starting the slow count down of days until he could call him.
But laying in bed the night before while fingering the send button on his cell with Jensen’s number on the display and trying to fight down the almost overwhelming need to call him, he had to prove that he could do this, that he was mature enough that a little space wasn’t too much for him, the thought that Jensen had played him hit him like a sledgehammer.
Jensen had played him.
Looking back he could see it so clearly. Of course Jensen wouldn’t kick him out when Jared had just been booted from his whole life. Of course he would take Jared in and try to feed him and give him somewhere safe to sleep. It wasn’t Jensen that had started that whole scene in Jensen’s bedroom but Jared, himself and of course Jensen just went with it because he had felt sorry for Jared and gave him what he thought Jared needed.
Why else would he have made up that bullshit story about Jared needing to experience life before he settled in with Jensen? Jensen had to know that Jared damn well knew what he wanted and didn’t need any time to make any decisions, he had gone to fucking Jensen hadn’t he? Granted, he had had the full intention of giving him hell for feeding Jared a line about his parents just being confused and worried for him but one look at Jensen and all the anger had drained, leaving him feeling nothing but tired and empty and the need to believe that he hadn’t been wrong in his assumption that Jensen felt the same way that he did.
But he didn’t.
He felt sorry for Jared, maybe even still cared in that professional capacity of his, but he was either too much of a coward to admit that he felt something more for Jared or he never really did and Jared had only projected on him because at the time he had had some deep seeded need for love from some adult.
Wouldn’t Jensen be so proud of my mature way of thinking.
The thought didn’t make him feel any better; in fact it made him feel just all that much more bitter. In one week he had lost the only man he actually loved, lost his family and then lost Jensen for a second time. What was the point in trying to better himself if the only people that he wanted to impress didn’t want a single fucking thing to do with him?
Nothing. Not one single point at all.
“That guy’s checking you out.”
Jensen titled his head away from the lips pressed up against his ear and turned to glare at Mike’s slightly glassy gaze.
Giving a sloppy shrug that threw his precarious balance off just enough that he had to take a step back, Mike raised an eyebrow, “So? Doesn’t mean I can’t see what’s right before my eyes. And he,” he raised his arm and pointed towards the bar, swaying so badly that even if Jensen had been interested, he would never had been able to tell which guy Mike was pointing at. “Is hot for your bod.”
“O…kay.” He pushed Mike’s arm down and wrapped his own around his shoulders, starting to steer him back towards their table at the other side of the club. “Enjoying your birthday party buddy?”
“No distray…distur…no putting me off my path!” Mike howled but didn’t fight Jensen pushing him forward through the crowd. “You ain’t been yourself in awhile. How come you don’t get laid no more? If’n I didn’t know better I’d think you were in love.”
He could feel the tension snake up his back to settle in his shoulders and he had to fight the urge to try to shake it off. For almost a month he had been dancing around the fact that he wasn’t acting like himself anymore, wasn’t cruising for a hook up once they entered the club part of “Cue’s” and was more than content to just hang around with his friends for as long as they would let him without starting to shoot him concerned looks or until it got to be just too much for him to watch them with their significant others. He hated that he couldn’t tell them the truth about Jared but he had decided that until he knew if there even was a Jared and Jensen that there wasn’t any reason to say anything.
It wasn’t the age difference, even if he was still a little worried about that but because he was still a little worried about that. If Misha got a hold of that information, and he would because there was no way that Misha would let it go that he and Jared were on hold for two months without finding out why, he would go up one side of Jensen and down the other because of his fear of becoming like Christian. He already knew that Misha wouldn’t believe that Jensen was becoming his ex and would give him hell for thinking it himself and the all night discussion over it would be epic and headache inducing.
And Jensen? Well he just didn’t want to have to deal with that.
Forcing a laugh, he kept Mike moving, hoping to pawn him off on Tom, who should have been keeping a better eye on his boyfriend and then go back to his original job which was to get a new bottle of tequila as per the birthday boy’s request. “Nah Mike, just tired of one night stands.”
“Uh-huh.” Mike grunted as Jensen navigated him around a group of giggling girls eyeing up a table of preening young men.
Rolling his eyes, Jensen kept pushing, fighting Mike’s attempts at trying to stop and probably try to start an in-depth discussion on Jensen’s behavior of late. All he wanted to do was spend the evening with his friends and forget for a little while that it had been almost a month since that Thursday morning he had let Jared walk out of his apartment and he hadn’t heard from him at all. Sure that was his fault, he was the one that told Jared that they needed to stay away from each other until Jared had graduated but there had been a little selfish part of him that had hoped that Jared wouldn’t stick to that agreement.
Jared had been pushy and cocky and aggressive from day one and the one time that Jensen had wanted to use that to his advantage, Jared had to go and prove that he had control over his impulses. Jensen knew he should be proud of him, it was a huge neon sign saying that Jared was a lot more adult than Jensen had first imagined but damn it, he missed him.
Maybe it only proved that between the two of them, Jensen was more than kid than Jared regardless of their ages or maybe it simply showed that Jensen was the one more invested in them.
He frowned at the thought, Jared said he knew how he felt and that he would be back at the end of the two months but his conviction then didn’t warm Jensen now.
“I’ll kick his ass.” Mike slurred, face turned into Jensen’s neck, leaving Jensen to safely steer him the last few feet to their table.
“Who’s ass?” He grunted and glared over at Tom plotting his friend’s immediate death when all Tom did was grin at him before taking the last shot from their second bottle of tequila. Bastard.
Jensen had to stop them to let a couple of other guys move past, their positions eerily similar to Jensen and Mike’s and the more sober of the two grinned sympathetically at him as they past.
“What guy Mike?” All he could do was hope that Tom hadn’t done something to piss Mike off before they had all shown up for Mike’s birthday party. The last thing he wanted to do try to referee a couple of drunks when all he wanted to do was go home. Turned out it wasn’t nearly as fun being the only almost sober one at the table but he didn’t dare start drinking like the rest of them, not with how he was pretty sure he would do something stupid like drunk dial Jared’s parents to get his cell number or give them hell for treating their son like shit or, more likely, both. There was a reason why when he had pressed his number into Jared’s hand just as he was leaving the apartment but declined to take Jared’s back.
“The guy you love who isn’t here.”
Jensen groaned, “Nobody to beat on Mike.” Unless Mike was going to beat on Jensen since Jared’s absence was his idea. But he had to do it, had to make sure that Jared really wanted this. Of course if he doesn’t come back… He shut that thought down, he wasn’t going to sick his friends on Jared if Jared wised up and stayed as far away from Jensen as he could, no matter how much it would hurt.
He pushed Mike the last couple feet to their table and pressed him down into his chair.
Christ it was going to be a long night.
Chapter 10 / Chapter 12